If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
A+ Viking dick
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
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