he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
