So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
