The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
The chlamydia really affected his face.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
