um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
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