It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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