So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
