Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
