im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
