So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Randomize
