i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
