Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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