I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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