She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I need to wash the frat house off of me
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
