He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
