worst night to have a conscience
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
