He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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