btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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