I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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