This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize
