i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
