overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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