We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Randomize
