On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
