is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
