the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Pi�atas plus fireworks don't mix well
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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