i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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