I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
