Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
