so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
