i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
