Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
