Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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