I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
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