onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
