Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
