haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
