are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
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