Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
