new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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