did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
