Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Randomize
