Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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