I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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