I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
