Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
