I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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