You can't special order awesome
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Randomize
