Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
