I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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