That's intense
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
